


21st Century Lover

by sunrow



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gay Bar, Identity Porn, M/M, Post-Avengers (2012), Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 07:03:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10431828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunrow/pseuds/sunrow
Summary: Steve visits a gay bar, trying to fill the hole in his heart that Bucky left when he fell from the train, when he meets Sebastian - a Russian man that looks far too much like Bucky.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [First Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10425021) by [Queerily_kai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queerily_kai/pseuds/Queerily_kai). 



> This came about when I asked the Cap Reverse Big Bang chat who Steve's first kiss in the 21st century was if it wasn't Natasha. [Queerily_kai](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Queerily_kai) said he probably went to a lot of gay bars... So we both decided to write fics about it, then decided it could be a competition to out-angst each other.
> 
> So here I am, with more angst! I blame the Cap RBB chat though, they're all enablers. But I love it.
> 
> Thank you to [velvetjinx](http://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetjinx) for being my beta ♥

 

It was a couple of months after the attack on New York when Steve felt brave enough to finally visit the gay bar near his apartment. He hadn't known it was a gay bar at first, but after a while he noticed only men coming and going from the location, often hand-in-hand. He'd been shocked at first, seeing as only a few months ago he'd been in the 40s, a time when sodomy was illegal and gay relationships had to be kept a secret, like his relationship with Bucky.

Bucky’s death was still fresh in his mind, but as much Steve hated to admit it, he’d been given a second chance at life in the new century and he’d have to eventually move on. Sooner rather than later.

So that’s how he found himself at this bar, low lighting helping him stay at least a little unrecognisable from a distance. Some men did recognise him, if their stunned expressions were anything to go by, but nobody said anything. He figured they knew what it was like to still be in the closet.

Steve wanted to come out, he did, but he wasn’t sure if he could. The world had an image of Captain America that he felt it was his duty to uphold - one of virtue and purity. Not a bisexual man who’d been his best friend’s lover since his late teens.

Nobody approached him that night, nor the next, but Steve kept going back until eventually some started sidling up to him. He chatted with the ones that caught his eye, the ones with dark hair and mischievous blue eyes, charming grins and cleft chins. It was only women he’d been shy around, but men were easy for him to flirt with. And these men would invite him back to their apartments or to the back alley or the bathroom, but Steve turned them all down.

No matter how similar, none of them were _him_.

But that didn’t stop him from going back night after night, flirting and drinking, then heading home alone. It was after a month or two of that when he caught sight of a man that made him question his own sanity.

Steve first noticed him because of how underdressed he was compared to the other men, wearing jeans and boots with a sweater under a cargo jacket, and gloves on both hands. His brown hair was shoulder-length and he had a bit of stubble, but he looked so much like Bucky that Steve thought he might be hallucinating. But he wasn’t hallucinating, watching as the man sat at the bar and ordered a drink. Steve knew it was him.

He got out of his seat and made his way over before he could think. “Bucky?”

The man turned and ogled Steve for a moment, a reaction he’d gotten used to. Then he snapped himself out of it and shook his head. “I’m sorry, you got the wrong person. I’m Sebastian.” His voice was laced with a faint Russian accent, not the strong Brooklyn one he’d expected to hear.

“Oh, my mistake.” Steve would’ve usually blushed at his situation, but he was too busy focusing on how much Sebastian looked like his Bucky. “You just look like someone I used to know. Sorry.”

“No, that’s okay.” Sebastian smiled a little, bashful, and gestured to the stool beside him. “Can I buy you a drink for your trouble?”

“Sure. I’ll have a whiskey. Neat.” Steve felt hopeful. Sebastian might not be Bucky, but he looked so damn alike that moving on might not be so hard after all.

They were so eerily similar, despite the hair; but Steve had fought aliens pouring out of a hole in the sky, so he figured that something as simple as a doppelganger could exist.

As he and Sebastian chatted, the conversation mostly focused on Steve. Sebastian didn’t seem to want to talk about his life, but he also seemed to have no idea that Steve was Captain America either, and simply wanted to know about his interests and hobbies. When Steve told him he liked to draw, Sebastian’s eyes seemed to light up, and he revealed that he once had a friend that loved art, though he himself was never that good at it.

They went their separate ways after that, but each night Sebastian would be at the bar, and Steve would chat and flirt with him. Eventually Sebastian started flirting back, and one night, many days later, he went home with Steve.

Once they were inside his apartment, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Steve pushed Sebastian against the wall and kissed him deeply, putting all of his longing and starvation for intimate touch into it. And oh, Sebastian _must’ve_ been Bucky’s doppelganger, because he kissed Steve just the same. And when they made it to the bedroom, even though he strangely demanded that his shirt and gloves stayed on, he fucked just the same as well.

Steve thought he couldn’t get any luckier, having found this Russian man with the face of his ex-lover.

They continued their little affair, meeting at the bar then going back to Steve’s apartment to fuck. And when Steve asked why Sebastian never took his shirt or gloves off during sex, Sebastian revealed it was because his arm was severely injured and he didn’t want anyone seeing it. Steve didn’t push the matter further.

There was a problem, though, and that was the fact that Steve was starting to fall in love with Sebastian, but Sebastian was starting to withdraw. It started with just a sense of unease, looking over his shoulder every so often when they were at the bar, then leaving Steve’s apartment before he woke up. Eventually he missed a few of their dates, claiming he was busy and looking a little worse for wear. He wouldn’t tell Steve what was wrong when he asked.

Guilt started eating away at Steve as well. It was wrong, he thought, to be falling for a man that looked like his dead lover. How could he tell Sebastian the truth? He was already distancing himself, and it’d be the last push for him to leave entirely.

But was he even falling for Sebastian’s personality, or just his face? He had similarities to Bucky, yes, but he was so different all the same. And if Bucky knew this was how Steve was trying to move on, he’d smack some sense into him for having the world’s shittiest coping mechanisms.

Steve couldn’t do it anymore. The more he fell for Sebastian, the more he longed for Bucky, to be able to hold him again. So one day, when they got back to Steve’s apartment as usual, he didn’t lead him to the bedroom.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian, but I don’t think it’s working out.” Steve felt horrible, but he knew it had to be done. Being with him was as wonderful as it was painful. “I think we should stop seeing each other.”

Sebastian smiled ruefully, nodding a little. “I was wondering if this was going to happen soon. But I get it, I do. It’s for the best.”

Steve never saw Sebastian again.

 

* * *

 

Two years later, when Steve had healed from his post-Project Insight injuries and moved into a new apartment, he was visited by the Winter Soldier. Yet another of Bucky’s doppelgangers. He swore the universe just wanted to hurt him.

“Hi, Steve,” the Soldier greeted him, sitting in his armchair much like Fury had before he’d been shot.

Steve made his way over slowly, cautiously, then sat on the other armchair across from him. “What do you want?”

“To talk to you. And to apologise.” He leaned forward in his seat, and when his face hit the light, Steve’s breath caught in his throat. The Soldier had cut his hair and shaved his stubble, now looking more like Bucky than Sebastian ever had. “I remember a lot of things, now.”

“What things?”

“Like my name is Bucky, for a start, not Sebastian.”

Steve frowned, not sure what he was getting at. “What’re you saying? You’re just Bucky’s doppelganger.”

“No, I’m not.” His brows drew together, eyes pleading for Steve to believe him. “I’m Bucky, Steve. I remember falling from the train, and losing my arm. I remember Zola giving me this one. I remember bits and pieces from missions, and then escaping one day right after they wiped me. I thought my name was Sebastian, and I met you at a bar, and I fell in love with you all over again. But Hydra had caught onto my location, and you ended things with me right before I was captured again.”

He was teary-eyed now, and so was Steve, who couldn’t believe what was happening. “You were him? You were Sebastian?”

Bucky nodded eagerly. “Yes, I was. That’s why I didn’t want to show you my arm. I’m sorry my memories didn’t come back then, but they have now, at least.”

“I loved you as Sebastian,” Steve admitted, not wanting to keep that from him. “I felt horrible, like I was using him and disrespecting you, but I couldn’t help how I felt. That’s why I ended it.”

“I know. But it’s okay, Steve, because even though I know who I am again, there’s still bits missing, and there are still parts of Sebastian in me. I’d forgive you, if there were anything to forgive.”

“God, Bucky, c’mere.” Steve held his arms out and Bucky fell into them. They embraced, all the years of separation falling away as they were finally able to be together again.

Steve had his Bucky back and he was never going to let him go.


End file.
